A Novel Born In Memoir Completes Trilogy

 

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Guest Blog Susan G. Weidener

A Novel Born In Memoir Completes Trilogy

I have shared on this blog the story of my late husband, John M. Cavalieri, who, two years before his death, wrote a memoir about his time as a West Point cadet during the Vietnam War.

John also wrote about his battle with cancer and impersonal systems – the military, the medical establishment and corporate America; systems which often destroy the individual spirit and soul.

My new book, anticipated publication date early next year, is titled A PORTRAIT OF LOVE AND HONOR. Wrapped around the memoir of Jay Scioli (John’s pseudonym) is the story of Ava Stuart, author and editor, a woman who fears taking a risk on love, almost as much as she fears never finding it at all. Ava and Jay’s love story “embraces” Jay’s memories of the past and serves as a canvas on which to paint a larger portrait of love and honor.

My son, Daniel Cavalieri, pointed out that by incorporating his father’s memoir into a fictionalized love story, it represented the ending to a trilogy which began with Again in a Heartbeat: a memoir of love, loss and dating again, and its sequel Morning at Wellington Square. So at the very end with Portrait of Love and Honor, we arrive back at the beginning.

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For the past two years, I’ve written and revised numerous drafts. I’ve gone to bed thinking about the story, jumped up to write down this line of dialogue, that turn of phrase while still fresh in my mind. After batting around a dozen titles, I settled on one I felt the perfect fit.

Even the image for the cover (see photograph above) came to me in one shining moment.

Last week, I finished my book; felt as good as any writer can feel when accomplishing something they set out to do.

The Women’s Writing Circle provided invaluable input as I crafted my story and read excerpts. I especially thank Edda Pitassi, who gave heart and soul as my developmental editor – a woman of Italian American descent whom I know John would have loved; Diane Yannick, whose sensitive and insightful critique came unexpectedly and “capped off” the final version; Marjory Cafone who has been supportive and a valuable listening ear at read around and in private conversations.

Collaboration, friendship and support have always helped the writer. I may not have Gertrude Stein’s salon but I have something equally treasured and valuable – a circle of friends, colleagues and mentors who inspire and encourage the hard work of not just starting, but finishing a book, offering insight how to improve it.

Colleagues, friends and other authors can be incentive to finishing your work-in-progress..

I also thank Elizabeth Madden, a psychologist and social worker who critiqued the story and suggested I dig deep into the psychological dynamics of Jay and his family. Betty urged me to ask the questions: Why did Jay keep coming back to West Point year after year? What role did his mother – an Italian immigrant, play in Jay’s desire to be special? Was pleasing his father, a World War II veteran, instrumental in Jay’s decision to pursue his dream of becoming an officer despite signs that “duty, honor and country” often fell flat in the face of reality?

With John at Yosemite
Cynthia McGroarty, a former colleague at The Philadelphia Inquirer, set me on the right direction when she asked, “Who is Ava?”

Cindy wanted me to dig deeper into Ava’s story. That helped establish the framework of my novel – Ava’s love acting as an “embrace” around Jay story.

I also thank my son, Alex Cavalieri, who read the book and offered up what will eventually become its synopsis. And Bruce Mowday, bestselling author of Pennsylvania history and a friend for over two decades, whose interest in Jay’s story offered the much needed male perspective, separate from my sons.

Finally, to Kathy Pooler, memoirist, who also acted as a beta reader and gave me the warmest glow of encouragement when she said, “Susan, I was swept away and deeply touched. . . Fabulous, heartrending, real. I have no doubt John was not only with you throughout the writing process but is smiling right now and so proud of how you have brought this to fruition.”

In coming months I’ll blog about the themes in Portrait of Love and Honor, perhaps, take a page out of author Mary Gottschalk’s innovative marketing and seek guest bloggers to write about those themes.

I read on Daring to Live Fully a blog featuring tips for writers that.“Chilean author Isabel Allende once said that writing a book is like putting a message in a bottle and throwing it in the ocean. You never know if it will reach any shores.”

For now, just finishing the book offers a restful shore.

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What Happens When You Can’t Hold On and You Can’t Let Go?

 

Elephant and Mouse 2

 

 

Curtis H. Stamey shares about your struggles to get your life back together and how to deal with the difficulties you face. It’s all about the conflict between different forces inside you. It’s also about how you see yourself and who you want to be. He shares some insights and ideas that may help you.

Do you ever ask yourself, “If I’d only stayed with it a little longer, things would have worked out? Did you ever think, “I just keep making the same mistakes, and what I’m doing only makes thinks worse. Why can’t I get a new start?” Do you ever wonder why you aren’t happy and you keep moving from one place to another?

It’s not uncommon to feel stuck and also get depressed. You may feel that life no longer offers you anything. Give yourself some credit; you have tried and done your best. Your life is very frustrating and confusing. You may no longer know what you want out of life because you cannot see any options or solutions to your problems. You may know what you want out of life, but after your best effort you feel, “That’s never going to happen.”

It gets harder and harder as you carry a very heavy load. Think of it as putting more and more rocks in your back pack. Be kind to yourself and don’t blame yourself. You are still living in the past because you don’t have the strength to live in the present. The troubles you have seem to have any solutions. Three important questions are worth thinking about; what do you want from life; what do you need to get what you want from life; why can’t you let go of everything that’s robbed you of your energy and hope?

The first step in moving ahead is believing you deserve what you want from life. Imagine you have a huge backpack that is too heavy to bear. You can’t get rid of all the rocks in your backpack all at once. Each rock represent a negative experience. You may have been wounded by happenings and they still cause you a lot of pain. You may have failed at something you really want to do many times and you have given up on changing your life. Other people may have put you down; don’t believe in you; they continue to paint a negative picture of you. You may have made mistakes and you blame yourself, feel shame, and feel that you can never forgive yourself. Face the fears that are the rocks in your backpack. Replace them with positive thoughts that allow you to see that you have all you need to get what you want from life. Practice positive visualization, see yourself getting what you want from your life. Continue seeing yourself getting what you want from life until you believe you can have those things.

The second step is to forgive yourself and others who have hurt you. Forgiveness will allow you to heal. You are angry with yourself and others. Anger has drained you of all of your strength. Anger gives all of the negative happenings power over you. Forgiving you and others allows you to let go of all of your anger. Anger also is attached to your greatest fears, fears that convince you that the negative experiences will happen again. The truth is that forgiveness will change how you feel about you, your life and your future. You can face your fears and replace them with believing that you can and may change your life and what happens to you.

The third step is to give yourself a brand new life. Begin by doing things that you enjoy; make you happy and make you feel good. Give yourself gifts and believe you deserve them. One of the most energizing gifts is to give yourself the freedom to make decisions for your life. Another wonderful gift is to allow yourself to take risks that offer you new opportunities. That gift allows you to believe in you and what you can do to change your life and make it better. But there are other gifts, time out to have fun and play. Playing will free your mind to find solutions to your problems. Make a list of the gifts you are going to give yourself. You will discover that you can have what you want from life.

The fourth step is to own your own power and use it. Take control of your life and don’t allow anyone to make choices for you, how you see your life and what you do. You will discover your own power and how to use it if you give yourself every morning when you get up and every evening before you go to bed. Find a comfortable and quiet place. Create a pleasant and relaxing place with some of your favorite things, books, pictures, and a comfy chair. During your quiet time empty yourself of every negative thought, feeling and happening. Empty your heart and mind and allow them to be filled with peace and joy. In your quiet time you will connect with a power that is greater than yours. Experience love and acceptance.

The fifth step is to accept and love yourself for whom and what you are. Celebrate your skills and gifts every day. Everyone has flaws and none of us are perfect, but your flaws have a positive side. Your flaws are what make you unique, creative, and they reveal all of the good thing about you. For example, if you like a cluttered desk it means you have lots of imagination. If you have tunnel vision it means you are focused and you do each thing well. Allow your flaws be the beautiful, unique and wonderful you. People will connect with you because like you they have flaws and they are important. Love yourself by seeing all that is good, lovable, and wonderful about you. Allow yourself to celebrate you and say to yourself, “I love me and all that I am.

The Sixth step is to live your life with enthusiasm. The word enthusiasm means inspiration. Discover what inspires you. Make a list of them. Surround yourself with words, pictures movies, books, and music that inspires you. Find new friends that inspire you by painting a positive picture of you when you spend time with you. Your soul mate should be an inspiration for you every day and you should be an inspiration for him or her. A sunrise or sunset is inspiring. Feed yourself with all that inspire you, including wonderful memories and positive happenings. When you live your life with enthusiasm you may decide to use the phrase I use when I hear negative things, “There are way too many positives in my life to waste any time on the negatives.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character works on letting go of all of the negative things from being raped and to hold on to every good thing in her life. It’s my hope that this book, which comes out in a few weeks will inspire women and men to let go of all the negative things in their lives and hold on to all of the food things. I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about living your life with enthusiasm.
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
10th October 2014

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Between extremes and what your life means

 

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Curtis H. Stamey shares pieces of you that you have to face and deal with and choices that may help you overcome them and build a new and better life.
 

Do you feel numb, a strategy to keep you safe from overwhelming emotional pain? Do you struggle to make through each day, a struggle from past experiences of failures? Are you angry with others who have hurt you and feel you may never forgive them for what they’ve done? Do you feel that you are stuck, always stuck and you may never move forward with your life?

You can have more or less love in your life, less love for yourself, and less love for others. You can’t control everything which happens in your life. You can’t control others and your relationships with them. But you can choose your path in life and how you will live during your journey. Though you may not control others, you, and the environment you live in, you may make choices that will change you and the life you live.

Love and acceptance are partners and together they are more powerful than any other force in our world. My sister worked for a woman who wasn’t kind, a woman who had a reputation for making her employees miserable. My sister decided to be kind to her every day, no matter what her boss said or did. She accepted the woman for whom and what she was and she refused to react to what her boss said and did. She decided to love that woman by responding with caring and kindness.

After a few months her boss ask her, “What’s the matter with you? Why are you always nice to me?” My sister answered, “I care about you?” Her boss asked, “What does that mean?” My sister smiled and said in a gentle voice, “I choose to see all of the good in you, and the truth is I see a lot of good in you. I hope it is okay to share that.”
A month later her boss shared, “My husband cheated on me. After ten years of marriage, he found a younger woman. Yet for some time I wouldn’t divorce him. I did all I could to save our marriage. But a year later he divorced me. He broke my heart and I was very angry.”
My sister and her boss talked together most every day. Gradually her boss changed. Love and acceptance were what she needed to begin her healing journey. You won’t be able to help everyone. But who you are, when you love and accept yourself and others your life will change. You won’t be stuck and you will be able to move forward with your life.

You may be numb because you have been wounded so many times. You may decide that life hurts too much and you may not be able to bear the pain. You may work through your pain and become fully alive. I have a lot of compassion for you if your emotional feelings overwhelm you. I want you to know it’s not your fault. There is no reason for you to blame yourself and feel any shame. Learning to let go of your pain, to process whatever happened to you may take a long time. You may not trust yourself, because you also feel helpless and powerless. I want you to know that you are loveable and capable, and YES you deserve a wonderful life.

Your first step is to discover that you are a valuable person and there is a lot of good in you. Your second step is to own your own power and know no one has the right to hurt you. You are able to set boundaries that clearly state that you won’t put up with any harm from other people. You need a safe place and the support of others, friends who tell you all the good things about you, a counselor, or a support group for what you are dealing with. You need to connect with others who accept you for whom and what you are.

Surround yourself with others who believe in you. A support group may have others who had the same experiences as you. In time you will feel comfortable about asking others for what you need from them. You may also choose not to be with others who you don’t feel safe with, and also others who don’t understand what you are going through.

You may be angry most all of the time or you may choose to live in peace and become a gentle, kind and caring person. You don’t have to spend time with those who you forgive. But you may forgive them. Forgiving others who have hurt you will allow you to let go of your anger and replace it with a life with a lifetime of peace. When you are angry you are giving those who have hurt you power over your life. You are allowing them to continue hurt you because of what they have said or done to you. But when you forgive them they are no longer free to control how you feel. You may choose to live in peace and heal.

You may choose goals and inspiring dreams for your life or you may give up on yourself, stuck in your past and unable to move forward. You may discover great joy as you choose what you want for your life. You may discover that you can reach your goal and your dreams will come true. You may choose a new path for your life and make one step at a time on your journey. You may have a brand new vision of your life and embrace the inspiration and encouragement as you believe more in your vision with each new step you make. You will gradually love yourself more and define who you are and the person you are becoming. You will discover you have options that you hadn’t seen before.

Your goals and dreams will be a new destination for your life. Your journey on your new path will take you where you will be, want to be, and allow you to have the things you want for your life. As Helen Keller wrote, “Your life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” You may be ready for a daring journey that fills your life with meaning and daily inspires you and encourages you. You will discover that your new path is the true meaning of your life and your journey will continually open new doors for you every day.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character learns about the extremes in her life. She chooses to follow her goals and dreams and how to make them come true. My hope is that this book, which comes out in a few months will inspire women and men to dream new dreams and set wonder goals that will give them wonderful a destination on a new path as they make a brand new journey.
I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about you and your dreams and goals for your life.
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
18th September 2014

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Why self-acceptance is your first step in healing.

 

The Happy and Sad story

Curtis H. Stamey shares with you about how you can learn to accept yourself and begin your healing journey.

Do you wonder why you feel that others are better than you? Do you dream about being someone else? Do you feel your life has no meaning anymore and you want to give up? Do you long for a new you that would make you feel good about yourself?

Three words can make a big difference in your life: validation, positive expectations, and celebration. Unfortunately your childhood experience, like most people may not have given you what you need to believe in yourself. Simply put, validation means all of the good things about you are true. You may agree that validation is so scarce today that a small recognition of one good thing about you may be seen as flattery.

You may live each day without anyone validating even one good thing about you. Instead some may say unkind words to you and even put you down. Practice saying the good things about you. Make a list and tape it to your bathroom mirror. Read your list with enthusiasm. Self-validation, recognizing and feeling all the good things about you will gradually change you. Others will see the difference in you.

This is not narcissistic. It is all about affirming all of the good things about you. Yes, I have people who I have counseled put their lists on their bathroom mirrors and read them aloud every morning. The wonderful results were others seeing them front a brand new point of view.

Positive expectations give birth to the new you. No one rises any higher than what they expect of themselves. My children are all grown up now, but the one thing they remember is I had high expectations of each of them. It wasn’t the kind of harsh expectations that demanded them to succeed or else. My type of expectation flowed my heart and let them know that I believed in them. Of course they made mistakes and failed some days, but we called them lessons for them to learn which would make them better and stronger. Decide what you expect of yourself, and see that your self-expectations motivate you and affirm who you are and what you believe you can do. In many ways your expectations may be leaps of faith. Your results may not be immediate, but gradually they will mold you into a new person.

One of my expectations is I will begin each day with joy and a grateful heart. I expect myself, to do my very best of in every way in all I do. I expect to meet each challenge as a wonderful opportunity and make the best of each of them. I accept every mistake and failure as a lesson that I need and I resolve to learn from each of them. I expect that whom and what I am will be enough no matter what happens.

My high school adviser told me that I wasn’t college material. My mentor, our debate coach heard about that and told me, “I expect you to get A’s next year and to have great success in college. I rose up to what she expected of me and earned two master’s degree. Yes, Mrs. Rabin expected a lot of me and the following year I earned six a’s and one B+.
Set aside all of the negative experiences, thoughts, and feeling. Expect yourself to do well in what you do. Disregard what the negative nay-sayers tell you. Instead focus on what you expect of you and prove them wrong. Yes, in time you will surprise yourself as the new you continue to amaze you.

Celebration is the highest form of gratitude. It is your way of honoring the progress you have made as you worked hard at something and succeeded. Don’t ever apologize for being you and changing is so many ways. Each small step forward is a true source of celebration. One day you may smile after someone says something negative to you and say with great enthusiasm, “There are way too many positives in my life to focus on a few negatives. Celebrate your gifts and skills as you use them and you will do better each time you use them. Life is meant to be a celebration and the new you will celebrate being alive.

Celebration opens your mind and heart and sets you free to live a better life and heal more each day. Celebration reminds you that you expect yourself to heal and let go of all of your pain. Celebration motivates every fiber of your being and sets you free to leave the past behind and move forward with your life. Celebration rejoices over every good thing in you. I begin each day celebrating something good in me that I have/need to share with others, and YES celebration is contagious, it can even change the mood in a room filled with people.

Validation, self-expectation and celebration are essential for healing. Each of them improves you in many ways, gradually giving birth to the new you.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character learns about loving and accepting herself as she healed from being raped. My hope that this book, which comes out in a few months will inspire women and men to accept themselves and become the new person they were born to be.
I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about you and your healing journey
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
15th September 2014

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What if you wake up one morning and discover everything is an experiment?

Gold + Rules 001What You Should Know to Have a Successful Journey on Your Path?
Curtis H. Stamey shares some important answers and questions that may help you on your journey on you path.

Have you ever wondered if you and our world are just part of an experiment? Do you ever wonder how our planet and everything that is living on it came to be? What do the words truth and wisdom mean? What can you count on and what things are out of your control.

What if you wake up one morning and discover everything is an experiment? What if our species of life, that we call human, is an experiment created by an eternal being? What if the experiment will only last a specific period of time? The eternal being may be keeping notes on how we do and what value our species may have. At the end of the time set aside for the experiment, the eternal being would decide if the experiment was a success.

What if an eternal being created us; carefully designed us and all of the other living things on our planet? Scientific evidence has proven that evolution without an intelligent design is improbable. “The answer is that the chances that the universe should be life-permitting are so infinitesimal as to be incomprehensible and incalculable. For example, Stephen Hawking has estimated that if the rate of the universe’s expansion one second after the Big Bang had been smaller by even one part in a hundred thousand million million, the universe would have re-collapsed into a hot fireball. P. C. W. Davies has calculated that the odds against the initial conditions being suitable for later star formation (without which planets could not exist) is one followed by a thousand billion billion zeroes, at least. He also estimates that a change in the strength of gravity or of the weak force by only one part in 10100 would have prevented a life-permitting universe. There are a number of such quantities and constants present in the big bang which must be fine-tuned in this way if the universe is to permit life. So improbability is multiplied by improbability until our minds are reeling in incomprehensible numbers. (What is the Relation between Science and Religion William Lane Craighttp://www.reasonablefaith.org/what-is-the-relation-between-science-and-religion#ixzz2rpoUVPrM)

Human beings do evolve because adapting to our environment has always been necessary to survive. But we don’t evolve and change accidentally. The probability that ours and other species evolved in chaos is as Stephen Hawkins explains “So improbability is multiplied until our minds are reeling in incomprehensible numbers.” (P. C. W. Davies, “The Anthropic Principle,” in Particle and Nuclear Physics 10 (1983): 28.) Stephen W. Hawking, A Brief History of Time (New York: Bantam Books, 1988), p. 123.)

An eternal being may have changed us, over a long period of time, as part of the experiment. Those who follow the path that was given them, as they work to become to become who they were born to be, seek wisdom and truth to guide them on their journey. They meditate to connect to what some call the eternal being and others call God. Could it be that part of the experiment is for the eternal being to note our efforts to connect with it? Could wisdom and truth be our reward for connecting with the eternal being?

You are not an accident. You were born for a reason and you have something important to do. Those who make no claim to be better than others are able to seek and find wisdom and truth. They accept the paradox when they concede they are humble, simple, and ordinary. You may and will discover, if you begin your journey with an open mind and heart, that those who claim to be no more or less than being humble, simple, ordinary persons, often do great things.

Truth and wisdom guide us to do what love requires. True love is not sex or romance. True love is the capacity for you to love others more than yourself. True love is caring about others, and showing them kindness. True love is true humility and gentleness. Even as each person was born for a reason, you will see that love may require you to focus on different things. Some will feed the homeless and give them shelter. Some will work for peace and harmony in our world, and help put an end to violence. Some work to help others to heal, that have been hurt and wounded. Of course some help us to learn how to forgive others.

Perhaps an eternal being created us to see if we could learn to love and accept each other for whom and what we are, and celebrate our differences. Perhaps an eternal being is concerned how some in the human species label others and hurt them, because they are different or live different life styles. An eternal being may decide how each of us is or isn’t honoring truth and wisdom, and doing what love requires. Perhaps those things are the reason for the experiment. An eternal being may be taking notes about those in our species who go hungry, or are the victims of violence. An eternal being may wonder why our world isn’t safe, and why some aren’t concerned about other human beings, members of the human family.

You may discover on your journey that an eternal being loves all of us with a love so great that it is beyond our comprehension. We may argue about how an eternal being may keep up with each of us. We may argue about how an eternal being may get involved in our lives. Some put limits on how he or she sees the eternal being. Some don’t believe that an eternal being exists. Others may claim they are the only ones who know the truth about an eternal being. But if you have an open mind and heart you may decide that all of us may connect with an eternal being. An eternal being may wonder why members of our species continue to argue about an eternal being. Perhaps an eternal being wants us to focus on loving and accepting each other and celebrating our differences.

One thing I am certain of is that each of us was born for a reason and each of us has something important to do. As for me, I work to make our world safer and better place and to help to end all of the violence against women. I work to put an end to sexual assault, rape, molestation, incest, and domestic violence. I also care about lesbians, bi-sexuals and gay men. I hope one day they will also be loved and accepted. I want to help put an end to bigotry and prejudice. My hope and prayer is that the human family will learn to live together in peace and harmony.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character learned about loving and accepting others for whom and what they are and celebrating her differences with others. It’s my hope that this book, which comes out in autumn 2013 will inspire women and men to learn about loving and accepting others for whom or what they are. I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about how you feel about loving and accepting others.
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
25th July 2014

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Five Words that May Help You on Your Healing Journey

 

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Curtis H. Stamey shares five words that may help you on your healing journey. He shares how you can use them in your morning meditation time.

Do you begin your day with a time of meditation? Do you begin each day with a time of prayer? Do you struggle to get up and begin your new day? Does your day begin with worry and anxiety?

Some people call their time in the morning meditation and others call it prayer. You may be reading 12 step daily meditations to help you with your addiction. As for me, having time before I start my day isn’t about what I call it. It’s what you do with it that matters the most. You may choose to connect with your higher power, or a power greater than you. I call my higher power, the power that is greater than me God. But you may have different names.

My meditation morning ritual is humble and simple. You and I like most everyone have many negatives, words and experience and they have a bad effect on us. Step one is to let go of all your negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Step two is you sit in a peaceful place where you won’t be interrupted. Step three is you sit patiently in silence and wait. Step four is you sit with an open mind and heart  and you are filled with peace joy and wisdom.

You can improve your meditation time. I discovered five healing words on my humble journey. It’s helpful to use those words in phrases and affirm you. The first word is well. My phrase is I am well. Often people begin their days with thoughts in phrases that continue to replay in their minds. “I am so sick and tired and I want to stay in bed. I hate myself and the life I have to bear. Why don’t people treat me right? Why can people accept me? Today is just another bad experience and I can’t change anything.” You could write hundreds of phrases, but most people only have a few, phrases about what they don’t like about themselves or others and the lives they have to live. The phrase I am well is very positive. Begin your day by saying those three words again and again. It is certain that your brain believes whatever you tell it and does all it can to make your words come true. Why not tell your brain every day I am well. You are saying, “Every fiber of my being, my body and my life is okay, is well and I feel good?”

You can get through hard times and bad experiences that causes you unbearable pain, or fear, sadness, depression or anger. I’ve lived with overwhelming pain and the second world opened my mind and heart to healing. I begin every day with the humble phrase I am whole. Even on those days when I felt damaged, a victim, and/or a failure those three heal words changed my life. After you repeat the phrase, I am well many times you are ready to say, I am whole. You may feel you’ve been broken and you can’t get better. But you can claim an important change in your life. When you say I am whole over and over again, your brain believes you and does all that it can to make you a whole person. The humble phrase I am whole will change how you think and feel. It will replace your nightmare dreams with dreams about your wonderful and new being and demeanor. Gradually you will believe you are whole and become a whole person.

You can overcome the chaos, worry, and anxiety in your life. You may have good reasons to be afraid. You may have failed or suffered losses in your life. You may find it hard just to get through each day. You fears may paralyze you and leave you unable to do the things you need to do for yourself. But there is good news for you. The third word is peaceful. You may begin your day with the simple phrase, “I am peaceful.” You can say that again and again and your mind will believe you. Your mind will work hard and YES it will allow you to let go of the chaos, worry and anxiety in your life. As you continue to say, I am peaceful, you will open your heart and mind and each day you will be filled with more peace. Gradually you won’t think, feel, or act in fear. Your journey will be filled with peace no matter what happens. You will be calm and no longer react to what happens, what people say, or any negative energy. You will become an over-comer and you won’t give up on you anymore.

You may feel joyless and sad most days. You may feel uninspired and dead inside. You may feel weak and weary, hopeless and powerless. The fourth word, happy, has great power and strength. It’s the word that connects you with your inner strength and opens up your positive imagination. It helps you to see many positive opportunities for your life and awakens you to every good memory and all the good things that are happening, often things you don’t see. The humble phrase I am happy, opens your heart your mind and the essence of your being. Your Self-acceptance and self-esteem will grow and flourish. As you repeat the humble phrase, I am happy, YES YOUR BRAIN will touch your emotions with happiness. You don’ have to feel, “one day I will have happiness.” You don’t have to use the phrase, “I will be happy when___. You could fill the open space above with, “When I get a raise; when I finally get the job I want, when I have a better house and car, or WHEN I WIN THE LOTTERY. When you use the humble phrase I am happy, again and again, you will discover true happiness where you are in life.

You may feel that you have to say the right things to please others, to fit in and have friends. You may feel that you have to conform to others, dress, think, and feel like them. You may feel that you don’t have any choices and you may make many compromises. You may yearn to be you, who you are and who you were born to be. The final word, FREE, is all about celebrating your life and who you really are. The humble phrase, I am free opens your heart and mind and YOU, you can be the person who stands up and claims YOURSELF. Gradually you will change as you say the humble phrase, I am free, again and again. You will discover that it’s good to be who you are. You are no longer bound and/or limited by what others tell you what and who you must be. You can say with great joy, I like being me, and it’s okay to be all that I am.

You have the five words: well, whole, peaceful, happy and free. You know how to use them and what they will do for you as you say them, in phrases, again and again. You know that as you focus on each word you will change in positive ways. I’m not saying this works for everyone and I make no claims for great wisdom. I share this from who and what I am, a humble, simple and ordinary man. But I can say the five words may help you on your healing journey.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character learns a lot about healing and meditation. It’s my hope that this book, which comes out in a few months will inspire women and men to focus on what is good in their lives. I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about your favorite bright colors.
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
27th June 2014

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Why Is It Okay For You To Be Colorful? What Will It Do For You?

 

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Curtis H. Stamey shares with you about the benefits of being colorful and why you might like to bring lots of bright colors in your life.

Do you change when the sky turns gray and feel glum and drab? Do you have a wardrobe that’s drab to make you look more professional? Does your world seem dark without any visual inspiration? Are you reluctant to try new things that may bring you good feelings?

You may be inspired by a nurse who wears bright a colored nurse’s outfit, especially when he or she works with children. I am happy to share that the formal attire like gray pin-striped suits isn’t worn as often and in as many places today. I am happy to share the work environments often allow a variety of choices about the clothes you wear. Outfits with bright colors seem to arrive like flowers that bloom in spring, colorful and of course there is lots of variety.

Bright colors are the light that take the darkness out of your life. They are like sunshine and blue skies. It is very true that yellow is a friendly color, kind of like sunshine at the beginning of each new day. As for blue skies, there are so many wonderful hues of blues. Blues in many hues give you the gift of peace. If you wake up with conflict from the day before, blues will remove them from your mind and fill your morning with peace. It’s so very clear, it is much better to wear blues than sing them.

I learned the answers to questions about Valentine’s Day. You have choice when it comes to the color red. Red is a color that creates passion and energy. But even more, the color red often connects a woman and a man, red is the color that stirs love in our hearts. That’s why women and men often wear red when they go out to find partners. Yes, red may also be the color of anger, but there is just a line between anger and love. You get to make the choice and passion is so much better than anger.

As a writer you will find a fantastic duo of emotions in the color orange. Orange will energize you but it also makes your imagination flow. If you feel down and sad, orange will inspire you and make you feel alive, orange will warm you up to so many new possibilities and it sets you free to be happy again. You see what you imagine, what’s good and positive, often becomes real. So orange helps you to be what you truly want to be.

When chaos and volatile situations lead you into panic, the color green will calm you. The walls of my bedroom are green and help me to have a good night’s sleep. Whatever makes you nervous, what makes you worry or fearful surrenders to the color green! If a tough day awaits you it’s good to wear green. That means you will be relaxed because the green you wear calms you. It’s almost like magic when your nervousness, fear or panic go away as the color green calms you. The storms of your life, the wild winds, are replaced and you relax all day.

Pastel colors are soothing. Colors like pistachio green, and tiger lily orange, are just a few of them. I use them often when I paint folk art, and they change my demeanor, they give me a time out from the stress in my life. Pastels have no trouble when they deal with stress. Pastel colors are the antidote to stress and they are a healing balm for whatever bothers us.

Brown is an earthy color and as for me brown sets me free from being formal and following the social norms that inhibit me. I like the color brown because it nurtures the part of me that yearns to be free, that says yes to me being who I am. It allows me to set aside compromises.

Purple is spiritual and inspiring. It opens our hearts and minds to see the beauty in ordinary things. Purple gets us, connected with the fiber of our being and we find great joy in moments. As for me purple allows me to find the good in every human being, and helps us to share that good we see with so many. Our spirits, or souls, transcend the barriers between us and others, and we love and accept others for whom and what they are and celebrate our differences. Purple gives us, hope for a new and better world where all of us may live together in peace. Purple has the power to transform our enemies into friends.

Your life will never be drab, boring or empty if you fill it with wonderful bright colors. You see, each color connects you with a positive emotion. The bright colors you choose to be a part of your life will transform who you are and make your life better. It’s like your life is a bright colorful rainbow which captivates yours and others eyes. The bright colors in your life will sweep away the darkness that gets you down and you begin each new day with wonderful peace and joy.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character learned to see the good in others and to live with an open heart and mind. It’s my hope that this book, which comes out in a few weeks will inspire women and men to fill their lives with bright colors. I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about your favorite bright colors.
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
27th June 2014

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Why Do You Fall in Love and What Does It Mean to You and Why Do Some of You Sing the Blues ?

 

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Curtis H. Stamey shares about why you may fall in love. He talks about different meanings of love. He also has answers about why some of you sing the blues.

Is love for you what you read in a romantic novel? Is love all about not being alone? Do TV series like Ally McBeal or Grey’s Anatomy or one of many sitcoms become you view of love? Do you have a favorite movie like Love Story or When Sally met Harry?

Most of you don’t want to be alone. Love for you may be why so many others fall in love. Love may be all about companionship, someone you may spend time with, someone who makes you laugh. Without his or her companionship you may feel lonely and sad. You may want a special man or woman who listens to you attentively. He or she may boost your self-esteem and help you to feel good about you.

Why do you fall in love? There seem to be many reasons and your reasons may depend on the season of your life. When you are young, a teenager or perhaps when you were even young than that, falling in love is a new experience. You may see love should be like your favorite song on your favorite CD. But most often your first experience with love doesn’t turn out that way. He or she so often is not like the, her or him in your favorite song which is all about love. Yet there is something magical about your first kiss and it may make you fall in love, but you are young and the love you found may not last.

When you fall in love in your twenties or thirties love can result in many things. Love may result in a lifetime companion or no more or less than one night of fantastic sex. Love may mean you met a new her or him that values you and affirms all the good things about you. Love may result in your rejection of him or her. You may feel the woman or man isn’t all that you want from a relationship. Of course it can go the other way and the man or woman you fell in love with decides you’re not the one the woman or man wants.

Your understanding of love may be all about what’s on your lists of expectation and your lists of needs. You may know exactly what you want from the person you will fall in love with. Often you may value the most, a partner who understands you and a partner you may understand. You may be like so many and need someone to love you who accepts you and loves the person you are. It’s normal to be rejected because the one you love doesn’t understand you.

You may fall in love because there is chemistry between the two of you that stimulates you hormones. Both of you may feel the heat of passion and feel weak in your knees. Whenever you see her or him you feel a powerful sexual attraction that, he or she also feels. But a fair question is, “How long will those powerful emotions last?” Eventually love must be more than a feeling. Love that last almost always is a choice. Love is a choice, a yes to a woman or a man, a YES to whom and what he or she is and what she or he does. You choose each other even though you know you both have flaws. Love is a choice that doesn’t demand perfection.

When the two of you discover love is a choice, both of you will work hard to meet each other’s needs and expectations. When your love for each other matures, communication is essential. Neither of you can meet all the other’s needs. You need to be honest about what you can do. Do you expect as much time together as when you wooed each other? Do you need time together to listen and share? When you have a mature love, you make each other your highest priorities, you put each other first.

You may fall in love because you found your soul mate. As for me, I believe everyone has a soul mate. What is odd but true, very often you soul mate is not the man or woman you dreamed about and looked for. The man or woman who is truly the one for you is not often the person you expected. But I have seen a wonderful truth in the lives of couple who are soul mates. Theirs is a forever love that lasts and sees them through hard times because soul mates are committed to their relationship no matter what happens. That means there love grows stronger when it is tested.

The true joy of mature love and being soul mates is that every fiber of your being says he or she is the one. Sometimes I counsel couples and one of them or even both of them may say, “We aren’t in love anymore. I don’t feel the love we felt before.” But when they discover that love is not a feeling, that love is a choice, they gradually change their minds. When two partners continue to make choices that say YES, often their feelings of love keep growing and growing. They know they won’t always FEEL love, but when they do again, their fire of passion is like a forest fire.

Yes your true mature loving relationship takes a lot of hard work, and you both need to be open and honest, even vulnerable. Real love understands that and both partners are willing to make that effort and commitment. They know it is worth it. That’s why they fell in love and that’s the best reason of all.

You may sing the blues because the ones you choose leave you after a while in a relationship that fails. I have good news for you. I’ve shared some thoughts about how to have success in a relationship. Sometimes you choose to fall in love with someone who can’t make a commitment. But don’t worry; there is a soul mate waiting to meet you. You soul mate wants a mature and lasting relationship. It takes hard work and commitment but it’s worth it. Love is a choices and the two of you may say YES and make your relationship last.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character is committed and willing to work hard to building a mature love relationship. It’s my hope that this book, which comes out in a few weeks will inspire women and men to take the time to build a healthy relationship. I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about why you fall in love.
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
14th June 2014

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Are You Crazy to Connect with What Others Can’t see?

 

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Curtis H. Stamey talks about things you may see and if they are real, or beneficial

 Have you every shared something you saw, something unusual, and no one believed you? Do you feel you have seen something from another dimension and others thought you were crazy, everyone except you? Have you ever gone somewhere in a Technicolor dream and found a place that no one has ever seen? Have you ever prayed with your eyes closed and seen an angel or heaven? Have you ever seen something and after some time everything you saw really happened?

Is it crazy for you to connect with things that no one else can see? That all depends on how small of big is the world that you live in. It seems to me that it is arrogant for people to say what they’ve haven’t seen doesn’t exist. It’s not crazy to see something new and very different. It also could be older than time can measure, something somewhere that’s been around before the dawn of time. It’s entirely possible for your mind can connect you to something far beyond what our world had seen. Believe it or not scientists are now reading science fiction books and they have epiphanies, things that eventually led to new discoveries, which existed in books labeled science fiction. If your mind and heart is open you may see things.

Have you seen a woman that was trapped in domestic violence and later you saw her set free. The odds were against that and so it seemed that the woman would never be free. But eventually, against all odds that’s exactly what happened. I saw that and I still see that. Believe it or not I saw 10 women work with battered women and helped them. During ten years those ten women helped over 400 women to escape from domestic violence and to live better lives.

Have you seen a woman who tried to commit suicide and she tried to take her life again after working with a PhD. clinical counselor for over a year? Have you seen that woman embrace life even though she failed to commit suicide twice? Believe it or not I worked with a woman like that and after a year with her, while she met weekly with a group of women, that woman embraced life for the first time and found a wonderful man and married him.

Have you ever seen a charity fund well on its way to run out of money? Did you see the needs of your community, and also see over $5,000 dollars in the fund and so many poor people who were helped. Did you see how many people shared money to help others and also see that members of you community, blue collar workers, continued to give and that meant the fund never had less than $5,000. Believe or not I saw that and that’s what happened when I used the money to help the poor. Like you may see things, I, too saw it when others at first couldn’t see what I saw.

I saw many couples who came to see me because they decided to get divorced. I also saw each of those couples rebuilding their relationships. I saw that when the couples didn’t see any possibility of staying married. Believe it or not over half of those couples stayed married and found joy in their relationships. What I saw is exactly what happened for so many wonderful couples.

Have you seen a male chauvinist male who didn’t respect women, and only saw them as sex objects? Did you see that man gradually change and finally become a feminist? No one else saw what I saw and they told me, “Don’t waste your time on him?” But I had an advantage. I have met with hundreds of men and women and I often saw them change. Each time I met with them I saw the new person they would become. It led me to believe that it’s always possible for a person to change.

Have you ever seen men and women who felt like failures, unemployed with no hopes for their lives? Did you see them inspired and encouraged? Did you see how much they could do with their lives? Nobody but you may have seen that. But when you showed them you believed in them and became their friends, they set goals for their lives. You saw them work hard and reach their goals. You also saw how they reached out to others and followed your example. You saw them become friends with people who needed to be inspired and encouraged. You saw how the men and women you helped, helped others to work hard and reach their goals.

I see so many people deciding to love and accept other for whom and what they are… and celebrating their differences. Kind and caring men and women have told me I had a good idea, but my idea couldn’t work, not in our world. I don’t argue with them. I love and accept them for whom and what they are. I celebrate our differences. When I first saw that loving and accepting others for whom and what they are and celebrating our differences was the key to peace in our world, many people couldn’t see that. But what I saw is beginning to happen, not quickly, but slowly. I believe what I saw and I still see it. Yes I still see all of us loving and accepting each other and celebrating our difference. I see a new world filled with love, joy and peace.

Do you see enemies forgive each other and become new friends? I see that that in my dreams and when I’m awake. I see love forgiveness are more powerful than hatred, bigotry, prejudice and violence. I see that you and I can love our enemies and forgive them. I see that one day our enemies may become our best friends.

Are you and I crazy because you and I see what others can’t see? Some people think I’m weird or maybe eccentric is the right word. I don’t know how you see yourself. As for me when some people tell I’m crazy, weird or eccentric I take that as compliments.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character learned how to love and accept others for whom and what they are and celebrate her differences. It’s my hope that this book, which comes out in a few months will inspire women and men to love and accept others for whom and what they are, and celebrate their differences. I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about what you see.
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
7th June 2014

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What Do You Do When the One You Love Says Good Bye to You?

 

Curtis H. Stamey shares the ten ways you may respond to when the one you love says good bye to you and how you can deal with that.

 

How do you feel when the one you love says good bye and ends your relationship? Does the one you love give you good reasons for saying good bye? Do you feel you are to blame when the one you love says good bye and leaves you? How do you deal with the sadness when the one you love says good bye, that you won’t see each other again.

Your heart beats fast when you think of your first kiss. The first kiss may have made you think, “He or she is the one for you. She or he is your soul mate.” It’s like you had a chance for forever love. But the good news is that a new person will find you and your next first kiss will be wonderful.

You’ll remember holding each other after a night of bliss and again in the morning. Holding each other as you lay on your bed becomes a ritual after each time you make love. You may feel very lonely as you lay in bed alone. You like so many others want a relationship with her or him so you won’t be alone. The best way is to get out and meet new people or spend more time with a good friend.

There was the first time when you had to be alone without him or her. You may have grown used to having he or she around almost all of the time and that made you feel secure. It’s good to be apart from each other so neither of you will become clinging vines. It’s often true what they say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

You remember the first “I love you,” from he or she and how that made you smile. But the words I love you will be tested over time. Eventually those words lead to a discussion on some type of commitment. Some men or women can’t handle making a commitment. If he or she fails the commitment test it’s time to say, “Good bye.”

You remember the last good bye and it made you cry. Most often in a relationship you hear good bye several times. The two of you may try to remedy that by making promises you may not be able to keep. Sometimes it’s because one of you is too needy and other times it may be you or the other may not know how to stay together.

You open a box filled with pictures of the two of you together during good times. You may see the photos in different ways. It may make you sad and long for more times like those. But you can also celebrate all of the good memories those photographs bring to your mind. It is an affirmation that your time together wasn’t a waste of time. You may believe eventually you may find a relationship like that again.

You may wonder how it could have happened and why happiness ended. At some point in your relationship he or she will cease to try to please you and be the person she or he thinks you want her or him to be. In time all couples eventually see who each other really is and usually ask, “Why has he or she changed?” But neither of you have changed it’s just that both of you have gotten to know each other a lot better.

You may wonder if you will ever love again with a partner like her or him again. The truth is that you have learned a lot about relationships and how they work. You have learned the importance of meeting each others needs, forgiving each other, and  spending lots of time together. You have learned the importance of treating each other as equals, and one of you should never dominate the other. The odds are if you use what you have learned, your next relationship will be a lot better.

You may wonder how many times you will hear good bye again. First of all don’t blame yourself or decide you have done something wrong. Most couples after a time in a relationship don’t spend enough time together. Most couples aren’t mindful to each others needs. Too often communication isn’t good and communication is important to work things out. It’s also essential to have goals for your relationship and for both of you work to meet those goals. But most of all both of you must accept and love each other for whom and what you are and celebrate your differences.

You can be confident and know that you will and may find a healthy relationship with her or him. But finding him or her who is ready and willing to invest in a healthy relationship takes time. Normally it may take a year to know that other person, for some it may take two or three years. Be patient and don’t be in a hurry. A healthy relationship takes work. You need to share your issues, your wants and needs and negotiate them until both of you are satisfied.

I recommend that you see a good counselor some time during that first year. Sooner is better than later, but both of you have to be ready and willing to make a commitment to work with a counselor. You need a third party to observe the two of you objectively who can also help you negotiate your needs, wants and differences. Your counseling is a lot like creating a map for your relationship.

In my upcoming book “Saving Linda,” the lead character learned how to build a healthy relationship. It’s my hope that this book, which comes out in a weeks will inspire women and men to take the time to build a healthy relationship. I hope you’ll stay connected by subscribing to this blog so I can let you know when the book becomes available.
Please leave a comment about what love means to you.
Just a few words from a humble, simple, ordinary man
Curtis H. Stamey (aka Kenpo Bear)
5th June 2014

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